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I can help you attract your perfect relationship!
Read on to see why your mind aims for what is familiar to it, and how a change from the familiar can prevent you from attracting bad relationships. Plus, the one thing you must change to attract and maintain love and lasting relationships.
Guilt and shame over perceived failures can also give rise to the fear that whispers, “You will always be a failure.” I often refer to these whispers with clients as their ‘inner critic’ or ‘critical mind’, an annoying little voice of self-doubt inside their head that always seems to highlight their flaws and thereby diminish their confidence.
The things people say to themselves about not being desirable enough, good enough, or brave enough make them lose confidence and trust in their abilities. The more someone says these things to themselves, the more blurred the lines become between what is real and what is exaggerated negative self-projection.
Even the smallest adjustment to a person's perspective can have profound, mind-altering shifts to their confidence and how they think of themselves.
An endless supply of digital media, from the internet and mobile applications to social platforms and influencer content, exacerbates this issue. In today's hyper-connected era, individuals are inundated with standards of success, beauty, and lifestyle that are often idealised and unrealistic. This ceaseless barrage of information conditions people over time to believe that their value lies in how closely they align with these imposed ideals. Consequently, more and more people are gradually losing confidence and suffering from diminished self-esteem.
The pervasiveness of such prescriptive and often distorted messages can easily obscure an individual's self-perception, eroding their innate confidence, strengths, and personal aspirations. It's a seductive trap to fall into the relentless pursuit of joining the frenzied masses, adhering to an often toxic depiction of success defined by ceaseless accumulation, impossibly packed schedules, and an unrealistic pursuit of the elusive 'more.'
Getting caught up in this noxious paradigm of accomplishment can lead to a detrimental impact on an individual’s self-assurance and sense of self-worth. It's not only unachievable due to its inherently unrealistic nature, but it also poses significant risks to mental and emotional health. Chasing this skewed version of success can lead to burnout and chronic dissatisfaction, as the goalposts for achievement are continuously being moved further away. It's an unhealthy cycle that perpetuates insecurity and undermines genuine self-esteem.
So, if you’ve been routinely convincing yourself that you’re undeserving, undesirable, fearful, and lacking in confidence, your mind will do everything it can to make that your reality. It will make you nervous and anxious and give rise to an even more powerful ‘inner critic’. It will keep you exactly where you tell it you want to be, as if acting on your instructions. Although the mind resists change, it is also quite brilliant at changing through repetitioning. In other words, tell your mind something enough times and in the right way and it happily recodes itself to the new instruction. That’s an aspect of the mind that I take full advantage of when treating clients with relationship issues.
Every thought you think, every word you say to yourself and every picture you create in your mind, form a blueprint that your mind and body work to make your reality. And since your mind responds to the thoughts and words you tell it, then it will protect them and work hard to make them your reality. Knowing this, you can see that your reality isn’t something external to you at all, instead it’s whatever reality you create in your mind. reality isn’t something external to you, it is whatever reality you create in your mind.
That said, people often engage in unhelpful self-talk, and unknowingly assign roles and functions to the discomfort they subsequently experience. An individual’s emotional distress frequently manifests as physical symptoms within the body. Luckily, the solution to this predicament is relatively straightforward, requiring only that we retrain ourselves to think healthier thoughts.
That feeling of not being enough is an incredibly common issue. In fact, without any consultation, I can confidently tell my clients that there are only three things that can be wrong with them. The first is, I’m not enough. The second is, I’m different, so I can’t connect. And the third is, I really want something, like freedom from nerves and anxiety, but it isn’t available to me. A possible fourth belief is, even if there is help available, I don’t deserve it.
Ultimately what this feeling of not being enough comes down to is a lack of self-belief and the fear of rejection. From birth, we are hard-wired to find connection and avoid rejection. It’s the fear of rejection that is crippling and can cause many of the issues that I treat in my clinic. I teach my clients that the only person who could truly reject them is themselves, and that other people can only reject them if they choose to let the feeling in. ‘I am enough’ is a phrase I ask my clients to tell themselves repeatedly, because when they know they are enough and they truly believe it, everything becomes available to them, especially loving relationships.
This tendency towards the familiar can lead to some dangerous habits too. Have you ever experienced a toxic relationship? Often, that toxicity becomes so familiar, that it becomes the reality and experience that you move towards, time and time again. In doing so, you also create a false narrative, telling yourself that this is how relationships are for you, and how they need to be, and you stay a part of that false narrative for as long as possible. For some people toxic relationships can span a lifetime. Humans are hard-wired to recreate what is familiar to them, we prefer what we know, even if it’s bad for us.
So how do we change our story? How do we make thoughts like ‘I’m beautiful, I’m worthy, I’m lovable’ stick in our brains and become our familiar way of thinking?
Well, you can start by getting up each morning and telling yourself, ‘I’m a good person, I’m lovable, I’m deserving of love, I have something to offer the world, I’m here for a reason.’ Whatever it is you most want to hear, say it to yourself, because your mind doesn’t know what’s coming, it’s simply awaiting your next instruction, so why not make those instructions the things that make you feel wonderful. Keep in mind that the words you say to yourself and the pictures you create in your head cause your body to have a physical response. Over time a physical response can become a barrier to living a normal life, so choosing your words wisely means they will work for you and not against you.
Simply thinking positive thoughts may sound easy, but here’s the thing, you must be consistent. If you’re going to tell yourself a better story and you want it to stick, you absolutely must tell yourself that story every day, always and forever - the mind learns through repetition and it is always listening.
There is almost nothing on the planet that will raise your self-esteem more than self-praise. And because the mind likes repetition so much, when praising yourself every day, your mind thinks, ‘Here you go again with that praise, you say it every day, so it must be true.’ Similarly, if you criticise yourself every day, your mind works in the exact same way, accepting it to be the truth and helping build upon this self-deprecation as the blueprint for your preferred mode of being.
A massive part of your well-being relies on the story you’re telling yourself. Bad things will inevitably happen to you, as with everyone else, and when something bad does happen, you will inevitably attach meaning to that event. Blaming yourself, and self-criticism are harmful, but you can reverse these familiar responses and change your story from ‘I’m worthless’ to ‘I’m worthy’ and see the remarkable effect that has on your relationships.
I use this powerful therapy to help people get to the root cause of their emotional, physical, or cognitive issues. When I’m treating a client for relationship issues, I believe it is crucial to help them change their way of thinking, and any unhelpful beliefs and patterns of behaviour. Concentrating on the causes rather than the symptoms vastly increases the chance of success and achieving lasting change.
Click this link to watch my short video on Rapid Transformational Therapy™ (RTT™).
COACHD hypnotherapy works with the subconscious mind, helping people deal with their past trauma and transforming any negative thoughts and beliefs into positive, empowering new ones. With COACHD Rapid Transformational Therapy™(RTT™) and Hypnotherapy, my clients learn how to master their mind to find love and lasting relationships. I believe my therapy is the most powerful and effective treatment available for relationship issues. Read more about Rapid Transformational Therapy™(RTT™).
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