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Narcissistic abuse is a devastating form of emotional or psychological abuse that can have a serious impact on the victim. Narcissists have a strong need for control and power over other people. Narcissistic abuse can leave someone feeling trapped, confused and alone, and very often struggling to think or act rationally. Narcissists will often exploit ‘attachment styles’ to control their victims. For example, a narcissist may be excessively charming and attentive, especially early on in a relationship, followed by the slow withdrawal of their love and attention as the relationship progresses. This shift in attentiveness can create a feeling of anxiousness and insecurity in the victim, known as an ‘anxious attachment style’, which the narcissist can exploit further.
Fortunately, there is help available. COACHD can help you repair the damaging effects of narcissistic abuse and support you with those all-important first steps to freedom.
- Recognising that you are a victim of abuse.
- Reaching out for support.
- Building your self-esteem.
- Creating a safe exit plan.
Even as a victim of narcissistic abuse, the mind (your mind) believes that the reason for your survival is all down to a set of beliefs, thoughts, and feelings that it has become accustomed to, the same ones that drive your actions. Firm in the belief that it’s ‘protecting you’, your mind vehemently resists change, even if you wished it wouldn’t because the change would help free you from an abusive relationship.
So, if you’ve been routinely convincing yourself that you’re weak and worthless, your mind will do everything it can to make that your reality. It will fill you with fear and doubt, giving rise to an even more powerful ‘inner critic’. It will keep you exactly where your thoughts tell it you want to be. Although the mind resists change, it is brilliant at learning through repetition, repetition being the important word here. Tell your mind something enough times and in the right way and it happily recodes itself to the new instruction. That’s an aspect of the mind that COACHD takes advantage of when using our Rapid Transformational Therapy™(RTT™) and Hypnotherapy to treat clients stuck in abusive relationships.
Every thought you think, every word you say to yourself and every picture you create in your mind, form a blueprint that your mind and body work to make your reality. And since your mind responds to the thoughts and words you tell it, then, by definition, it will protect them and make them your reality. Knowing this, you can see that your reality isn’t something external to you, it is whatever reality you create in your mind.
That said, we still tell ourselves some pretty crazy stuff, and sometimes, we subconsciously create roles and functions for the self-loathing, self-doubt, or other feelings that we are experiencing. These emotional fears are very often expressed through the body as physical symptoms, which can be extreme. Thankfully, the solution to this problem is quite simple, only requiring us to train ourselves to think better thoughts.
That feeling of not being enough is easily the biggest issue our clients face. In fact, without any consultation, we can confidently tell our clients that there are only three things that can be wrong with them. The first is, I’m not enough. The second is, I’m different, so I can’t connect. And the third is, I really want something, like a loving relationship, but it isn’t available to me. A possible fourth belief is, even if there is help available to me, I don’t deserve it.
Ultimately what this feeling of not being enough comes down to is a lack of self-belief and the fear of rejection. From birth, we are hard-wired to find connection and avoid rejection. It’s the fear of rejection that is crippling to people and can cause many of the issues we treat in our clinic. We teach our clients that the only person who could truly reject them is them and that other people can only reject them if they choose to let the feeling in. ‘I am enough’ is a phrase we ask our clients to tell themselves repeatedly because when they know they are enough, and they truly believe it, everything is available to them, especially love and relationship.
Our brains are wired to chase familiar experiences and avoid unfamiliar ones. On the surface, this makes sense from a point of reducing risk and increasing our chance of survival. Trying something new always feels harder, or risker than doing something you’ve always done, even when the fear seems counterintuitive because of the benefits to be gained from the change, such as escaping an abusive relationship.
This tendency towards the familiar can lead to the same dangerous habits that people in abusive relationships demonstrate all too well. Often, the toxicity of an abusive relationship becomes so familiar to the victim, that suddenly it becomes their reality and the experience that they move towards, time and time again. In doing so, they also create a false narrative, telling themselves that this is how relationships are for them, and how they need to be, and they remain a part of that false narrative for as long as possible. Humans are hard-wired to recreate what is familiar to them, we prefer what we know, even if it’s bad for us.
So how do you change your story? How do you make thoughts like ‘I’m lovable, I’m worthy, I’m strong, self-depravation has no place in me’ stick in your brain and become your familiar way of thinking?.
Well, you can start by getting up each and every morning and telling yourself, ‘I’m a strong person. I’m full of confidence, I have meaning, and I have something to offer the world. I’m here for a reason.’ Whatever it is you most want to hear, say it to yourself, because your mind doesn’t know what’s coming, it’s just waiting for your next instruction, so why not make them the things that make you feel worthy of a safe and loving relationship? Keep in mind that the words you say to yourself and the pictures you create in your head cause your body to have a physical reaction, so choosing your words wisely means they will work for you and not against you.
Sure it sounds almost too easy, but here’s the thing, you have to be consistent. If you’re going to tell yourself a better story and you want it to stick, you absolutely must tell yourself that story every day, always and forever – remember, the mind learns through repetition.
There is actually nothing on the planet that will release your fears and contribute to your well-being more than receiving praise from someone genuine, but self-praise is even better. And because the mind likes repetition so much, when praising yourself every day for your rational thinking, strength and confidence, your mind thinks, ‘Here you go again with that praise. You say it every day, it must be true.’ Similarly, if you criticise yourself every day, your mind works the exact same way, accepting it to be the truth and helping build upon this blueprint as your preferred mode of being.
A massive part of your confidence and well-being relies on the story you’re telling yourself. Bad things may be happening to you, and you will inevitably be attaching meaning to those events. Blaming yourself, and self-criticism are harmful, but you can reverse these familiar responses and change your story from ‘I’m hopeless’ to ‘I’m worthy’ and see the remarkable effect that has on your strength and resolves, and the life you can achieve.
Our therapies are designed to radically address the issues that are impacting your life. This includes love and relationships, confidence, self-esteem, motivation, purpose and meaning, career, creating wealth and abundance, and achieving the life you want. COACHD has a powerful programme of Psychotherapy, Hypnotherapy and Skills support to help people that are victims of abusive relationships. COACHD Rapid Transformational Therapy™(RTT™) and Hypnotherapy work with the subconscious mind, helping people reset their negative thoughts and beliefs to positive, empowering new ones that support their well-being, and emotional development while building immeasurable strength and confidence.
By helping people fix the issues that have led to them being abused and victimised, COACHD therapy empowers them to become the person they most want to be. Further support is available to COACHD clients through our COACHD Method Coaching™ service which helps them develop the knowledge and skills needed to live confidently, without fear, self-doubt, and a lack of confidence, as well as helping them progress in life, work, wealth, loving relationships – and an unstoppable future! Read more about COACHD Method Coaching™.
RTT™ helps people get to the root cause of their emotional, physical, or cognitive issues. When treating clients in abusive relationships, or those recovering from abusive relationships, we believe it is crucial for us to help them change their way of thinking, and any unhelpful beliefs and behaviour, in order for them to increase their chances of success and achieve lasting change.
Our hypnotherapy works with the subconscious mind, helping people deal with their past trauma and transforming any negative thoughts and beliefs into positive, empowering new ones. With COACHD Rapid Transformational Therapy™(RTT™) and Hypnotherapy, our clients can learn how to find love and their perfect relationships. We believe our combined therapy is the most powerful and effective treatment available for victims of narcissistic abuse. Read more about Rapid Transformational Therapy™(RTT™).
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We CAN help you get the life you deserve, however, you must not rely on COACHD or any information on this website as an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or another medical practitioner. If you have questions about any medical matter or condition that you may be suffering from, you should first consult your doctor or another medical practitioner. You should never delay seeking medical advice, disregard medical advice or discontinue medical treatment because of any information on our website. Results cannot be guaranteed, moreover, results that we share on our website are for reference only and your own personal experience may differ from those shown here.
Registered address: COACHD CLINIC LTD, Brook House, Church Lane, Garforth, England, LS25 1HB.