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We can help you attract your perfect relationship.
Read on to see why your mind aims for what is familiar to it, and how a change from the familiar can prevent you from attracting bad relationships. Plus, the one thing you must change to attract and maintain love and lasting relationships.
All over the media, we see millionaire CEOs turned into celebrities, the glamorisation of influencers with millions of followers, and hustle-culture workaholics being praised for their achievements. All of which sends a subliminal message of toxic productivity and misleading beliefs about what success and confidence should look like to us.
With such pervasive messages, it’s easy for people to lose sight of their own lovability, confidence, strengths, and goals, and be tricked into following the maddening crowd. Being part of this toxic representation of desirability, achievement, hoarding and unrealistic busy schedules is certain to affect your confidence and self-worth, it’s simply not achievable, nor is it healthy.
Guilt and shame over perceived failures can also give rise to the fear that whispers, “You will always be a failure.” We regularly refer to these whispers with clients as their ‘inner critic’ or ‘critical mind’, an annoying little voice of self-doubt inside their head that always seems to highlight their flaws and diminish their lovability, confidence and self-esteem.
The things people say to themselves about not being smart enough, good enough, or brave enough make them lose confidence and trust in their own abilities. It’s important to note that although these thoughts aren’t painting a perfect picture of your reality, they can, at the very moment, feel true to you. Indeed, the more someone says these things to themselves, the more blurred the lines become between what is real and what is simply exaggerated negative self-projection.
Even the smallest adjustment to a person's perspective can have profound, mind-altering shifts to their confidence and how they think of themselves. You must first love yourself in order to become lovable to others.
Simply put, the mind (your mind) believes that the reason for your survival is all down to a set of beliefs, thoughts, and feelings that it has become accustomed to, the same ones that drive your actions. Firm in the belief that it’s ‘protecting you’, your mind vehemently resists change, even if you wished it wouldn’t because the change would help you find love and lasting relationships.
So, if you’ve been routinely convincing yourself that you’re undesirable and unlovable, your mind will do everything it can to make that your reality. It will fill you with doubt and demotivate you, giving rise to an even more powerful ‘inner critic’. It will keep you exactly where your thoughts tell it you want to be. Although the mind resists change, it is brilliant at learning through repetition, repetition being the important word here. Tell your mind something enough times and in the right way and it happily recodes itself to the new instruction. That’s an aspect of the mind that COACHD takes advantage of when using our Rapid Transformational Therapy™(RTT™) and Hypnotherapy to treat clients suffering from relationship issues.
Every thought you think, every word you say to yourself and every picture you create in your mind, form a blueprint that your mind and body work to make your reality. And since your mind responds to the thoughts and words you tell it, then, by definition, it will protect them and make them your reality. Knowing this, you can see that your reality isn’t something external to you, it is whatever reality you create in your mind.
That said, we still tell ourselves some pretty crazy stuff, and sometimes, we subconsciously create roles and functions for the self-loathing, self-doubt, or other feelings that we are experiencing. These emotional fears are very often expressed through the body as physical symptoms, which can be extreme. Thankfully, the solution to this problem is quite simple, only requiring us to train ourselves to think better thoughts.
That feeling of not being enough is easily the biggest issue our clients face. In fact, without any consultation, we can confidently tell our clients that there are only three things that can be wrong with them. The first is, I’m not enough. The second is, I’m different, so I can’t connect. And the third is, I really want something, like a loving relationship, but it isn’t available to me. A possible fourth belief is, even if there is help available to me, I don’t deserve it.
Ultimately what this feeling of not being enough comes down to is a lack of self-belief and the fear of rejection. From birth, we are hard-wired to find connection and avoid rejection. It’s the fear of rejection that is crippling to people and can cause many of the issues we treat in our clinic. We teach our clients that the only person who could truly reject them is them and that other people can only reject them if they choose to let the feeling in. ‘I am enough’ is a phrase we ask our clients to tell themselves repeatedly because when they know they are enough, and they truly believe it, everything is available to them, especially love and relationship.
Our brains are wired to chase familiar experiences and avoid unfamiliar ones. This makes sense from a point of reducing risk and increasing the chance of survival, or so the mind believes. Trying something new is always harder, or risker than doing something you’ve always done.
This tendency towards the familiar can lead to some dangerous habits too. Have you ever experienced a toxic relationship? Often, that toxicity becomes so familiar, that suddenly it becomes your reality and the experience that you move towards, time and time again. In doing so, you also create a false narrative, telling yourself that this is how relationships are for you, and how they need to be, and you stay a part of that false narrative for as long as possible. Humans are hard-wired to recreate what is familiar to them, we prefer what we know, even if it’s bad for us.
So how do you change your story? How do you make thoughts like ‘I’m lovable, I’m desirable, I’m deserving of love, self-doubt has no place in me’ stick in your brains and become the familiar way of thinking?.
Well, you can start by getting up each and every morning and telling yourself, ‘I’m a strong person. I’m full of confidence, I have meaning, and I have something to offer the world. I’m here for a reason.’ Whatever it is you most want to hear, say it to yourself, because your mind doesn’t know what’s coming, it’s just waiting for your next instruction, so why not make those instructions the things that make you feel wonderful and desirable? Keep in mind that the words you say to yourself and the pictures you create in your head cause your body to have a physical reaction, so choosing your words wisely means they will work for you and not against you.
Sure it sounds almost too easy, but here’s the thing, you have to be consistent. If you’re going to tell yourself a better story and you want it to stick, you absolutely must tell yourself that story every day, always and forever – remember, the mind learns through repetition.
There is actually nothing on the planet that will release your fears, build your self-worth, and contribute to your well-being more than receiving someone's praise, but self-praise is even better. And because your mind likes repetition so much, when praising yourself every day for your rational thinking, strength and confidence, your mind thinks, ‘Here you go again with that praise. You say it every day, it must be true.’ Similarly, if you criticise yourself every day, your mind works the exact same way, accepting it to be the truth and helping build upon this blueprint as your preferred mode of being.
A massive part of your confidence and well-being relies on the story you’re telling yourself. Bad things will inevitably happen to you, as with everyone else, and when something bad does happen, you will inevitably attach meaning to that event. Blaming yourself, and self-criticism are harmful, but you can reverse these familiar responses and change your story from ‘I’m undesirable’ to ‘I’m desirable’ and see the remarkable effect that has on your relationships and the feelings you’ve been experiencing.
Our therapies are designed to radically address the issues that are impacting your life. This includes love and relationships, confidence, self-esteem, motivation, purpose and meaning, career, creating wealth and abundance, and achieving the life you want. COACHD has a powerful programme of Psychotherapy, Hypnotherapy and Skills support to help people struggling with relationship issues. COACHD Rapid Transformational Therapy™(RTT™) and Hypnotherapy work with the subconscious mind, helping people transform their negative thoughts and beliefs to positive, empowering new ones that support their well-being, and emotional development.
By helping people fix the issues that have led to their relationship issues, COACHD therapy empowers them to become the person they most want to be. Further support is available to COACHD clients through our COACHD Method Coaching™ service which helps them develop the knowledge and skills needed to live confidently, without self-doubt, and a lack of confidence, as well as helping them progress in life, work, wealth, and relationship – and an unstoppable future! Read more about COACHD Method Coaching™.
RTT™ helps people get to the root cause of their emotional, physical, or cognitive issues. When treating a client for their relationship issues, we believe it is crucial for us to help them change their way of thinking, and any unhelpful beliefs and behaviour, in order for them to increase their chances of success and achieve lasting change.
Our hypnotherapy works with the subconscious mind, helping people deal with their past trauma and transforming any negative thoughts and beliefs into positive, empowering new ones. With COACHD Rapid Transformational Therapy™(RTT™) and Hypnotherapy, our clients can learn how to find love and lasting relationships. We believe our therapy is the most powerful and effective treatment available for your relationship issues. Read more about Rapid Transformational Therapy™(RTT™).
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We CAN help you get the life you deserve, however, you must not rely on COACHD or any information on this website as an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or another medical practitioner. If you have questions about any medical matter or condition that you may be suffering from, you should first consult your doctor or another medical practitioner. You should never delay seeking medical advice, disregard medical advice or discontinue medical treatment because of any information on our website. Results cannot be guaranteed, moreover, results that we share on our website are for reference only and your own personal experience may differ from those shown here.
Registered address: COACHD CLINIC LTD, Brook House, Church Lane, Garforth, England, LS25 1HB.